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Rejected Child- discerning spirits

Alongside my other reasons for turning to Jesus, I had a secret reason for inviting Him into my heart on Easter Sunday morning almost six years ago. I was haunted. My mind was the victim of assault by unwelcome images of auto accidents in which I would cause death and destruction, mainly the death of babies. I never told anyone about these oppressive and terrifying mental assaults, and I was at a loss as to how to be free of them. I was simply convinced that some day I would kill a baby with my car.

On that Sunday by the grace of God I received the gift of perfect faith that if I gave my heart to Jesus, somehow He would take the haunting away. And among the many benefits I received from salvation, glory to God, He did.

Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment. (Mat 17:18)

Imagine my surprise when I confided this to my sister and found that she also was haunted by mental images of doing harm to babies. I began to conceive of the idea that we were part of a family inheritence in the spirit realm that was generational, and to discern the presence of a spirit of the rejected child hanging over our family.

My sister and I examined pieces of evidence from our history. Our mother has always referred to herself as an unwanted child. She believes that she was an accident, and has spent much of her life feeling rejected and finding herself in circumstances that contribute to feelings of abandonment and rejection, not necessarily through her own faults, including having to flee her homeland at a young age, an ugly divorce, and contentious relations with family members. Also, she lost a child during pregnancy, due to her blood type's incompatibility with the blood type of the baby.

My sister also has struggled with feeling like a rejected child. In her quest for fulfilling family relationships, she lived for twenty years in the cult community Synanon, a drug and alcohol rehabilitation community turned utopian social experiment. At one point in Synanon's history, all men were told to have vasectomies and the women who were or became pregnant were told to have abortions. Praise God, my sister was not one of these women, but she saw the suffering of some of her close friends who were placed in this position. This was a mandate handed down from the leadership to support the idea that Synanon was caring for the world's children, so they had no reason to make their own children. As a member of the community, my sister had the choice either to stay and tow the line, or leave. She maintained her allegiance to Synanon through this and many other disturbing "experiments", and I believe this helped strengthen a bond with the spirit of the rejected child.

As a young lady growing up during the feminist movement, I remember how thrilling it was to take a stand for women's rights on my college campus. I was taught that I could accomplish anything at all, being a strong, smart young woman, and I was encouraged to express my sexuality as part of my feminist prerogative. I had a lot of sex and never gave a moment's thought to conception, birth, marriage, parenthood, babies or anything that would lead me to feel responsible for the consequences of my actions. In the culture of the day, I simply had permission to do as I pleased, according to the dictates of my appetite.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. (Rom 1:28-29)

So when I became pregnant for the first time, I simply referred to that unquestionable truth of the day that had been reinforced in me by the feminist doctrine makers. They had taught me that I had a right to an abortion. So I went out and exercised my right. At the clinic we were expected to sit in a circle and share our reasons for being there. Everyone was very cheerful and pleasant and had perfectly reasonable explanations for why now wasn't a good time for them to be having children. The attitude I had before the operation was no different from what it would have been to get a cavity filled.

But the experience was deeply wounding. I had given consent to an invasion into the most intimate part of my body, a part that even the sex act couldn't reach. I had been thoughtless and naive, duped into taking a life, lied to about what this so called "choice" was really all about, betrayed by a movement that was supposed to be good for women. When I walked out of the abortion clinic I was not the same person that walked in. I was shaken. That moment was the beginning of the crumbling of my world view.

On the ground outside my car as I went to drive home was a piece of trash that caught my eye. I stooped to pick it up and examined it. It was a metal lapel button that might have been handed out at a birthday party, but it was crushed and probably run over by a car. It showed a large bird with wings outstretched over two baby birds, one under each wing. The birds were singing, "Happy Birthday" and the words along the bottom of the button read, "He careth for you." I held the button as a comfort as well as a welcome judgment, and I began to feel the tragedy of what had just occurred. And feeling that tragedy, letting it change me and shape me and lead me to truly see my need for salvation and forgiveness, and journeying toward forgiveness, has been an underlying theme of my life since then.

What is the spirit of the rejected child?

I say that the spirit of the rejected child is a work of the enemy of life. It seeks to honor itself with repetitions of its essential theme. Like a parasite, it seeks to reproduce itself feeding off the life force of its host. It has no life force of its own. It thrives on death and delights in quenching the newest buds. It has the appearance of a ghostly child and pretends to the sad, seductive pathos of a lost child, but that is not its real face. Like its master, it is a liar. In truth its face is the face of the devil himself, hateful, willfully evil, able only to steal, lie, kill and destroy. It spreads like a pall over those it afflicts, so that they become its servants, dwelling on negativity and death and even inviting death. It sucks the life out of anything it comes in contact with. It works with its master, the enemy of life, utilizing the weaknesses of its hosts to bring about circumstances that will help it to thrive - weaknesses such as ignorance, pride or selfishness. It is a curse, and it can afflict families for generations. It is invisible, until God helps you discern it. Then by His grace it is not invisible any more, but palpable in the spirit realm.

Having discerned the presence of the spirit of the rejected child, the next step was to end our relationship with it, to stamp on its ugly poison snake head with my high heel shoe. I called on the name of Jesus, bound Satan in His name, and commanded the spirit of the rejected child to come out of my family. I severed all ties between my family and the spirit of the rejected child in the name of Jesus and considered the matter finished.

My sister reports that she is no longer haunted, and I report that I am no longer haunted. But the greatest confirmation that we are free came when my daughter became pregnant. Instead of considering abortion, she made room for this new creation of God. She married her boyfriend and stepped forward into motherhood. This is a victory for life and its Author, and a slap in the face of the enemy of life.

As I have come to understand the nature of forgiveness, the complete and all-embracing love and compassion that is offered to us by Jesus, I have also come face to face with the child that I willfully, though ignorantly, rejected at my abortion. This child is not related to the spirit of the rejected child. My child is with Jesus, and abides in Him, and therefore is not rejected, nor rejecting. She lives in the land of forgiveness, sits in the lap of forgiveness, and offers forgiveness to her mother.

“I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven." (Luke 10:19, 20)